Sailing Camp-2010 Edition-Part 2

While not registered for camp, Doodle came with me on Thursday to watch and was able to get some experience sailing which got her excited to come to camp next year!

Here she is in an Opti with Mattew Davis, an experienced ten-year old who was more than happy to take Doodle out for her first sail. She seemed to love it and didn't stop smiling the whole time.

And here is my adorable niece, Annabelle (7), skippering with her friend Emily in an Opti...The last hour of camp is dedicated to the traditional greased watermelon competition. Yes, a watermelon is greased up and thrown into the lake (it floats) where the girls (who outnumbered the boys about 2:1) tried to get the watermelon to the boys' goal and vice-versa. There are usually tears as someone gets "almost drowned" but it is worth it for the fun. Here is Muffin jumping in the lake before the competition starts:Mator got to watch the action but was definitely more into swimming in the pool. She was especially attached to Daddy since he had been gone for three days this week.
Here are the sailing camp graduates: Muffin, Olivia, Elle and Ian (Olivia's brother) who was named most valuable sailor for all the help he gave to the instructors. That's my dad's boat with the sail up in the background. Just after this picture was taken, we departed for a "three hour tour"...see the next post for more details!

Doodle is 6

Doodle had a birthday and of course, that is never the end of any story around here. It seems that any holiday (Christmas, birthdays, vacations) must be marked by an accompanying trip to urgent care.
Thankfully, we've never had any broken bones and only once, stitches were required. Rather our result is usually in the form of an antibiotic prescription. Maybe I'm exaggerating. The last time Doodle had a prescription filled for her was 2006. But when I think of the major illnesses my kids have had, they all seem to fall on a holiday / celebration! I suppose I just remember those the most, anyway!

Doodle had her friend party last Saturday. She had asked for a surprise party. Now, keeping a surprise amongst 5 six year olds is like trying to keep all the Polly Pocket pieces from ending up in the sweeper. Or trying to keep the Littlest Pet Shops safe from becoming permanently embedded in your feet. It is impossible. But the parents of these dear girls are wise. They didn't tell their daughters when or where the party was going to be. In fact, Doodle came home from school one day insisting that, "Rachel NEEDS to know when the party is going to be!" But we successfully surprised her and didn't even have to tell any lies to do it!

The theme of the party was "True Beauty" and we based it on "Gigi-God's Little Princess". After Muffin read the story describing how we are all princesses and princes of the King of Kings (God) we talked about how a real princess acts using scripture as the basis. The girls had come to the party all dressed up and then we treated them to a pedicure (compliments of my mom's foot bath and Muffin's artistic abilities), a manicure (Muffin and I shared these duties) and a young lady from the cosmetology school at our local high school did some beautiful hairdos. Here are the resulting princesses...
Almost immediately after the last guest left, Doodle began to complain that her throat hurt. I figured she was just exhausted and put her to bed a little early. I gave her some Ibuprofen in the middle of the night and by the time we got up, she seemed fine. So we skipped Sunday school so that she wouldn't infect anyone else if she was sick. We did make it to church and had the big girls stay with us in the sanctuary. Doodle's meds wore off in the middle of the service though and I had to take her out. In my defense, you would never know she was sick when she had some ibuprofen in her. So we went ahead with the family party that evening at our house. Here is a picture with the cousins. The first picture I said, "Smile!" and then I let them take a couple silly pictures and then I said, "OK, no smiles." I thought it was pretty funny how they were trying so hard to be serious!

The rest of the week was a pattern of this....Give Doodle some meds at bedtime, she acted fine in the AM. Came home from school and had a fever, repeat. I kept her home one day and the nurse finally called me on Thursday whereupon I finally took her to the urgent care convinced that once we had paid the copay, the healing would begin. It turns out she actually has strep throat. This is the first diagnosed case of strep in our house in ten years! I had thought maybe we were immune. Alas, she is home again today and we are waiting to see who else might get it.

Doodle Donates

Doodle, my almost six year old, came home from school a few weeks ago ready to cut her hair. This is quite significant. Doodle was born with more hair than Mator had when she was two. The picture above was her first Christmas when she was about 8 months old. Doodle has always been known for her long locks. So it was with a heavy heart that I agreed. Her aunt Andrea reminded us that she might be eligible for "Locks for Love" and that definitely softened the blow for me.

I picked her up from school and we headed over to do the deed. She was VERY excited. I was a little less excited. The whole process was very quick. I actually wish they would have taken off more so it would have been more useful. The stylist just said, is this OK? And I said yes but she could have easily taken four more inches.

Before the cut:
Holding her donated locks one last time...Her pretty new do makes her look so much older!

Winter Review of Mostly Doodle

Here are those famous Glitter Angels that made our cheerleading season so much fun! And a special mom (Kathy) and special niece (Justine) that helped so much!
And here's the reason I became a cheerleading coach....Here is my Doodle, perfectly perky and cheery before a game....
And this is my wonderful niece who was such an awesome helper-Justine!

Now that the snow is melted, I feel like I can begin to appreciate its beauty again. I am pretty sure that we had snow (a LOT of it) on the ground for every day of February. Now for Vanessa, my friend that lives practically in the arctic circle, that may not be a big deal. But around here, if we do get a big snow, it is usually gone in a week. I will say, we made the most of this snow! Across the street from our house is my dad's pond. We make this our four season resort. The dam of the pond is a nice little sledding hill and also a fun place to build snowmen.

Here's Justine, Doodle and Muffin with our house in the background. Don't be too confused. The lens can fool you. Our house is a good 400 yards away with a road dividing the property.

My brother got his snowmobiles running too. Here's Andy scaring the life out of Doodle... no wait, she loved it. It was me that was scared. Especially when I hear things like this...
Muffin-"Daddy let me drive the snowmobile and my bottom came OFF the seat when we drove over the driveway."
Doodle-"Daddy only fell off once when it tipped over but I fell off a bunch of times!"
And, to continue the Doodle theme of this post, here she is the night of her school program about dinosaurs. This is her best friend, Faith...
And here she is performing in the program. So stinking cute! And did I mention she had one of the hardest speaking parts? She had words like "evolutionists" and "fossils" and a lot of others that are hard to say in a microphone by yourself. But, after taking a few seconds to adjust the mike, taking a few more to swallow hard, she did an awesome job!

Raiding the Dress up Box

I kind of resent the fact that Halloween is celebrated on the last day of the month. Somehow, that makes my posting in November about it seem late. But the reality is, it was only 12 days ago. And that's not too bad for me!

So here they are ready to go trick or treating.There's muffin the clown.... Mator is Cinderella...
and Doodle is.... any guesses? Give up? A roller skater. Really. I am not making this up. I tried to gently persuade her to possibly add something to her costume in the minutes before we headed out the door. And her response? "I am. I am wearing roller skates." There is a connection to last year's Halloween (click here to read that).

So what is a mom to do? I was a little afraid of having "that kid" who wouldn't wear a costume but wanted candy. But in her mind, she was totally incognito. Here is how she dressed up for the kindergarten party at her school. They don't celebrate Halloween but they do celebrate with a harvest party. All the kids are allowed to dress up as scarecrows or farmers. Now this is cute...

First Day-Kindergarten and Third Grade

This year's first day of school, I had two lovely ladies ready and eager to go (well one was eager the other was tolerant). I made the brilliant decision to put an alarm clock in the girls' room and that has been wonderful. It goes off at 6:50 and so far, they have gotten themselves up and at 'em.

Muffin's teacher seems to be so kind and caring. The fact that she also has an interest in photography make it extra nice! Muffin is in the co-op this year which means that she goes in and does regular third grade in the morning (Bible, math, english and spelling) and then I pick her up either before lunch or after lunch / recess (our choice) and we come home and homeschool for science, social studies and reading. Muffin, although doing very well in school, has always had a desire to homeschool. Last year the school started offering the co-op option so we thought this would be a good way to try it out. We are on day six today and so far it has been pretty great. Well, the first two days we didn't do anything at home because Doodle had only half days. This week has been pretty awesome for me and good for Muffin too.

Here she is with two of her best friends, Caitlin and Olivia who are also doing the co-op.And this is her wonderul teacher, Mrs. Thompson.

Doodle was very excited and I think a little nervous although there were no tears (at least on her end!) on the first day or subsequent days. She was very proud of the fact that she went across the monkey bars on her very first day! Her teacher is Mrs. Bennett and is well known for being super-sweet and very musical. What a great match for Doodle! She also happened to be Ben and Will's(my nephews) teacher so that makes her cool too!

Here are Doodle and Mrs. Bennett just before mommy started bawling and had to leave the building Doodle embarked on her first year of elementary school.
This shot is actually from the second day of school. Since both girls were done by lunch time, we had the whole afternoon and spent a few hours swimming at the pond. Then we came home, had showers and ate dinner. Doodle had just finished her dessert when she passed out while sitting in the barstool at the table! They were watching TV and Andy said he watched her just crash. Now that's a good day!

Typical Summer Day

Here is a typical shot around our house. Muffin and Doodle are doing nails in the bathroom. They have really gotten along well this summer, very few fights or tears between them. That makes the thought of sending them back to school soon even harder. Doodle will be in kindergarten and Muffin in third grade. Doodle is ready to go today. Muffin constantly asks to be home-schooled. We are actually considering a form of that for her next year. FCA calls it a co-op and for elementary students it basically means that she is either there for the AM or PM. Then is home schooled on the missed subjects. The seems like an ideal scenario for her since it requires her to do some large group adapting but also maximize her strengths by moving at her own pace. We’ve already registered Doodle for Kindergarten full time and I feel sure that it is the right decision for her. We’ll have to decide soon for Muffin. Until then, I plan to enjoy the rest of our days of summer!

Columbus Zoo and Aquarium

We went to the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium yesterday and had a very nice time. Doodle, having just completed preschool was kind of gyped out of a preschool field trip to the zoo. When Muffin was in preschool, they went every year. They don't do that anymore so I wanted to take Doodle. My mom has a membership that allows us all to go for free (THANKS MOM!!) so she and I took Doodle and Mator.

It was neat because we didn't go last year so neither of them remembers anything about the zoo so it is like the first time for both.

Some highlights:

Two month old baby Asian elephant:


There is a long line to see this and I was trying to figure out why. It seemed like I had seen a baby elephant there before. It turns out that Asian elephants born in captivity are VERY rare (as in one or two a year) and the earlier elephants were African elephants. Interesting.

Another favorite moment: feeding the Lorikeets. Actually, feeding the Lorikeets freaks me out, so I realized that if I stay behind the camera, they ignore me and land on other people (like my kids). One landed on Mator's head and it was hysterical!

She was so good about not screaming or jumping around (two of her trademark activities) but just standing still and being uneasy.



Here are some other random shots:

Doodle cuddling with a Tiger:Merry Go Round with Grammy:
Mator standing (and acting like) a stingray:


Only downer: it rained. I like to think of myself as prepared but I was totally not in this case. I had wipes, hand sanitzer, snacks, lunch, towel (for table cloth/blanket/ shade/etc.), change of clothes for Miss Potty Trained, video and still camera. Everything. Except rain coats or umbrellas. Last time I checked there was a chance of showers in the afternoon and I thought we'd be gone by then. So, we were pretty wet. But no one complained about that (except maybe me!)

We got home about 4:00 and just skipped naps (WHAT!!!). Then Andy took Doodle and Mator to visit his Grandmother Mona who is in the hospital. Muffin and I went to see cousins (Justine, Jared & Abbey) in their band/choir/strings concert. They all did so well and Muffin and I especially got into the Music Man medley that was performed (tried not to embarass anyone but how can you not march and sing to "76 Trombones" ??) and a Phantom of the Opera medley. And, my niece was correct when she said that their last song, "Intensity", was the "Greatest song in the world, LITERALLY."

When I am Weak He is Strong

Sometimes I don't know what to do.
There. I said it. The truth is out. Those of you who thought I was a perfect mom who knows everything and even teaches a parenting sunday school class- now you know the truth. And the rest of you (well, really I'm pretty sure no one falls into the other category so this means you) well now you've heard me admit it.

Overall today went very well. But the last few hours degenerated into sheer misery for all in my home. It started when I went to pick up Muffin and Doodle who had had the rare privilege of spending a play date with their friends who are sisters and the same age. They had an awesome time but as is usually the case, the leaving was difficult. This is not a new phenomenon and I'm ashamed to admit that I haven't figured this one out yet but here is the basic premise:

One or more young children do not want the fun of a play date to end. Silliness (like hiding or running away) ensues under the watchful eye of the host family. I respond good naturedly and then my tone gets more serious and involves significant eye contact - "Get your shoes on and meet me at the door". About the time we get into the vehicle, the dam bursts and fights break out among my previously cheerful children- who pushed whom into the car, who touched the other's seat, who dared to exhale just as a sister was inhaling, etc., etc.

My voice gets more serious and my statements become more command-like, "Do NOT talk like that to anyone." "If you touch your sister again, you will lose a bedtime story."

Next in the pattern, "Why are you so MEAN mommy?" Who me? The one who arranged this playdate with the other parents, the bus barn and your school? Who me? The one who drove 30 minutes each way to pick you up? Who me? The one who let you play an extra half hour while I visited with the lovely host family? Who me? The one who picked up all the stuff you dropped in the driveway because you were crying too hard to see?

And here is my open and honest question - What do you do to teach your children to be thankful for the fun they have had instead of bitter and angry that it has to end? I am at a loss.

Thankfully, I am not LOST. I am constantly reminded that my God gave me these children for a reason and that He is teaching me about His character through all of these trials. Just tonight, after I had spent about 1.5 hours trying to resolve a computer issue, I rewarded myself by checking in on some of my favorite bloggers. Now this one is always one of the first I check each day. For some reason, I put her off earlier today but tonight I took a few minutes to read her entry for today. I had to cry. I knew God had her write that for me (by the way, she has a very funny introduction but I'm talking about the meatier part after that). Even in my weakness as a parent, He is strong. Anything I can do right is because He is perfect. Thank you Lord (and Melissa) for that reminder!

All Bundled Up

Debi, over at "Who says 8 is Enough" has a fun challenge for Sundays called Baby Picture Sundays and this week's theme is "Bundled Up". I really was excited about this theme because well, basically I can use it to irritate my spouse. See we get some cold weather around these parts and a snowsuit for babies is a must. Also, I am a cheapskate and rely on the kindness of family members to give us lots of wonderful hand-me-downs. Every once in a while there is something that, how should I say this, isn't quite my taste. But the practical side of me usually wins out. Especially when it comes to a snowsuit that will be worn for a total of less than 12 hours before you pass it on to someone else. So while this snowsuit is perfectly wonderful at keeping my children warm, Andy has resisted its use for every one of my children claiming it is more of a punishment than life enhancing device. Too bad! All three have worn it and not one of them complained-here is Muffin in 2002:
Here is Doodle is December of 2007 with one of my favorite hats on her head:
And here is Mator (from last week) in another adorable snowsuit that unfortunately makes her look like the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man but again, she's warm!
And this is one of my favorite winter pictures ever-Mator was about 7 months old and we had an impromptu winter party at our pond with sledding and skating. Here she is in the backpack watching everyone else:

So there they all are - All bundled up!

Doodle-isms Part II

Doodle, who will be 5 in April, is at a wonderfully blessed age. She is learning new things every day and connecting those things to what she already knows and sometimes, that collision of ideas creates some pretty cute thoughts.

Here's a link to something I wrote earlier about cute things that she says-click here.

Last Saturday she had a couple new moments of brilliance:

1) We were having a sleepover in my room which means that Doodle and Muffin get to sleep in our room for the night. The fun usually involves a fight over who gets to sleep on the couch versus who has to sleep on the mattress on the floor. I try to go to bed at the same time so that I can be in on the "sleepover" fun.
We usually play a game we call the "color game". This involves one of us asking another questions like, "What color is Uncle Todd's car?" or "What color were the plates at the restaurant?" and the legendary, oft repeated, "What color is Grammy's toilet?". We vary the level of difficulty depending on the player and level of sleepiness. Doodle will always ask someone, "What color is the earth?" (By the way, the correct answer is - "Green for the plants, blue for the water, brown for the desert and white for the snow.")

This particular night we were all pretty tired when Doodle announced,
"I want to play a NEW game and make one up."
Her sweet, supportive older sister immediately announced, "I'm not playing, I'm too tired." PAUSE.
Doodle's sweet, hopeful voice, "Mommy, are you going to play?"
"Of course honey, I'm tired too but I REALLY want to play."
At this point Doodle begins to explain the rules which sound like a mix between American Idol and kick the can-not exactly the "wind down for bed" kind of games that we usually play.
PAUSE
"Mommy, are you SURE you want to play?"
"Yes honey, I'm really going to try."
"Well, feel free to say no."
At which point I burst out laughing and tell her how much I appreciate her kindness and I will take her up on that one!

2) As we were getting ready to go to her cousin Annabelle's 6th birthday party I could see that Doodle's gears were turning.
"Mommy, I don't get it. How old is Elle going to be?"

Me- "6"

"But I don't understand."

Me-"Well, she was 5 on her last birthday so she will be 6 on this birthday."

"Wait, I think I understand! So, each year, you are one year more!"

Me- stunned silence as I imagine the years of therapy that might be required if the word on the tip of my tongue actually exits my mouth -"DUH!" Thankfully, that money can be invested into college fund because I did manage to keep it in.

Isn't four just a great age?

This picture of Doodle at Epcot a few weeks ago may explain a few things...


Just kidding! This is really my dad's beer and Doodle was quite impressed with the size of the mug!

Nutcracker Production

Two of my little dancers performed in a local production of the Nutcracker. Muffin and Doodle did great and it was so fun to watch. On Friday, we brought two of Grace's friends with us to watch it and they were so well behaved. I have to admit that I was a little jealous though. When Muffin first came onto the stage I watched her eyes scanning the audience. When she finally got glimpse of the person she was looking for her eyes lit up and her smile widened. Only, that person wasn't me! It was her friend Caitlin and I felt that I had somehow been replaced.








Here is Muffin in one of her outfits - I think it is the Sugarplum fairy outfit.


This is Doodle in her mouse costume. She had the biggest smile of her life when she came out on stage. She was also the child "directing" everyone about when they needed to move and to where. She was adorable!








Here is Muffin in her snow fairy costume. She had one other for her gymnastics dance but I took that with another camera. The funny thing was that both girls said that they didn't want to do it again next year but they would like to watch! I was really surprised because they looked like they were having a lot of fun and both of them have friends that dance with them. Well, we'll see what they say in a week or two!

Doodle-isms

Just a quick note about a couple cute things Doodle (4.5 years) said today.

1) We were getting ready to leave for AWANA (Bible club at church) and we sent the big girls upstairs to get dressed. Doodle comes down and sits at the table. Me, "Are you wearing two pair of pants?" Doodle, "Yes because this top pair are capri-ses" That must be the plural of capri pants! Sure enough, she had on a pair of jeans under her pink capris!

2) Later in the evening, I told Doodle she needed to get her jammies on and she was unhappy saying that she just wanted to wear the outfit she had worn all evening. I told her she needed to change and she begrudgingly obeyed. As she walked by Andy he asked her what was wrong. She explained that she didn't want to change her shirt because, "Well, I just wanted to wear it for the rest of my life."

3) Mator has a new habit of sneaking out of bed right after we put her in it. Tonight I found her cuddled up next to Doodle pretending to be asleep. Doodle said, "I'm just going to pray for her." "OK," I say. "Dear Heavenly Father, I just want to pray that Mator will stay in her bed. Please peace her during nappytime. And I just want to say again, please let Mator stay in her bed. Amen."

I think I'll keep these girls!

Final Product

Hopefully now you know what we were working on! Some of you (who don't want to sign into google) emailed some funny guesses-good job Brandon for getting it on the first picture! I wasn't sure whether to be flattered or disappointed!! :-)

Doodle's preschool has a putt-putt day when all the older kids are having a walk-a-thon to benefit the school. It actually leaned much farther but the person who set it up apparently had little confidence in my engineering skills and propped it up against the wall.

Good job Brandon! I don't think I have your home address anymore so email that to me when you get a chance!

Second chance to guess

For those of you playing along at home, here is the second and updated clue. (Click here if you haven't read the first one)
1. It is NOT related to any bodily functions (so turd and colon are out although it is hollow and would make an excellent model of either if anyone ever needs to make a model of either of those things...)
2. As a replica - in its finished state - it will be seen at Doodle's preschool on Friday.


Step two involved some painting so it is hanging below our deck. If you think Mator looks terrified of this object, you are only slightly wrong. Terrified is a strong word. Really, really frightened would be more accurate.

Doodle and Toad Go To School

If there is one thing that makes me love being a parent, it is being privy to the pure, uninhibited, joy of my child. And yes I know that not everyone in the world thinks it's a big deal that MY child is excited about something but as long as that something is not hurting someone else and can be set aside after a reasonable amount of time, I am going to get excited with them. Today Doodle had a moment of awe that lasted a good couple hours. I had sent her out in the rain (yes she was wearing her boots, raincoat and had an umbrella) to get something from the "store" (AKA Grammy's house next door). I had barely sent her out the door when I heard a commotion that drew me back out. She had discovered a big, honkin' toad and not only that-she caught it! We found a big box to keep him in and after he had emptied his bladder sufficiently, I sent her on her mission. Grammy has everything and not only sent back the requisite Cream of Tartar but also a nice cat cage that worked as a temporary home for "Tooty Todd the Toad" (My apologies to Uncle Todd!)

Doodle generously gave Mator a chance to hold the toad.


The best was taking it to school. Doodle repeated 100x, "I caught a toad, all by myself" to anyone who approached her cage, or even walked past us. She was so proud of herself! Her wonderful teacher even let her share it with the class even though we just showed up with it.


I wanted Muffin to be able to see it too and since her classroom is in the same building, it was just a matter of waiting for her class to get back from art. Her teacher knew a lot about toads and let me know that they drink through their skin so he needed to stay moist and have access to water. I had put a little dish of water in there and sure enough, he was sitting in it! And I'm just going to say it even though I suspect it borders on being a little prideful: I am really happy that my girls are not afraid of toads or worms or even snakes (even though the last one is a fear of mine). They love these living things and it makes living out here in the country so great because they are constantly discovering treasures and learning about life.

And here is Mr. Toad as he prepares to embark on his new life of freedom, back in the garden where Doodle found him. I like to think he is pondering the good times he had as a member of the Smeltzer family (I can just see the highlight film with "I've had the time of my Life" playing in the background).

Big Girl on the Bus

Some days everything seems to work out well. You get the kids to school on time, have a nice balance of play time/get some work done time, serve a relatively healthy lunch, spend some quality time with neglected third child, and a public entity does something they didn't have to. Today is one of those days. What made it so smooth was the the F.U. bus brought Doodle (and Muffin) home from school today. Even though Doodle is in preschool, they were willing to do it. I am really thankful when someone considers a situation with reason and makes a decision rather than just saying "no" because it is easier for them. That's what Rhonda at the bus barn did for us and it saves us time and money (gas). Doodle not only loves school, but got to take the snack bucket today and then ride the bus home. For her, life doesn't get any better!

Now we're heading out to church for AWANA. I feel so "lucky" today. Seriously, does anyone really believe that all these great things happen because of LUCK? I praise God when He intervenes in a way in my life that makes me appreciate all the good He's given. Now, when He intervenes in a way that is harder and teaches me something else, I'll look back at this post and say, "God is good-All the time." (Thanks to Pastor Beckett for that one!)

Daily Dose of Drama

When you have three little girls (and one big one) living in your house, it goes without saying that there is going to be some serious drama on occasion and today we had ourselves a little bit of drama. Above, you will notice the scariest looking fake Barbie that ever existed. It makes me wonder what the Chinese people that make these things think that white people look like! In her defense, she did start out with hair covering a little more of her head but the rest of her is just like we got her when Doodle delightedly chose her from the treasure box at the dentist's office last week. She dons a 1980's "Desperately Seeking Susan" wardrobe and her ring of hair was pulled up into a top of the head pony tail. All that being said, she is really only creepy because her arms and feet are flat like paper and Doodle regularly amputates and re-attaches the arms as part of the fun. When Doodle chose this doll (named Sally) I think I secretly hoped that all the other Barbies would prey upon Sally's inferiority and complete lack of coolness causing Sally to throw herself over the edge of the kitchen counter, falling to her death and landing (conveniently) in the trash can. I even set her on said counter more than once hoping she might get the idea. Sadly (for Doodle), a much more devastating turn of events occured this morning when Mator found Sally. Unable to resist the urge to put Sally's punky ponytail in her mouth, Mator yanked the front part of her hairline clean out thus revealing her really ineffective hairplug surgery.

Doodle shed many tears so I eventually agreed to try and fix her (hopefully Gorilla glue is not toxic to creepy fake Barbies). I'm hoping that when Doodle gets home from school she will have forgotten about her; but even if she does, I suspect that Sally will be giving me nightmares for some time!