Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The End of Me...

I've found myself saying it over and over these past couple days...."I am at the end of me." There is no more left of me. It is wasted and gone. I want to give up. Crawl into bed and yell to my three children and husband, "I am finished! Fend for yourself!" This month has been amazing and yet I cannot wait until it is over....

**Andy was ordained as a Deacon in our church [PRAISE GOD!] We do not have elders in our church so this is a revamped ministry with increased responsibility.
**Andy recently joined the personnel committee at our church [PRAISE GOD] so now he gets to participate in the hiring and evaluation of staff. I truly believe that when he listens to the Holy Spirit he has major giftings in the line of encouragement and challenging people in a loving way. But it is more time too.
**Andy took over a new job at his school. He went from teacher / department head to Dean of Students (this is what used to be called an assistant principal). It is an extra two weeks before school and two weeks after school but for the first month this year he had to continue to balance his former teaching job (as a replacement was found and then hired), former dept. head job (same thing) and his new job (more meetings after school, more money, etc.) [PRAISE GOD]
**Andy finished up his last month as the Sports Director for our local radio station. He has been there two years and mostly LOVED this job but it is too much to do that and the Dean and do them both well. Football season is particularly crazy since they broadcast three games a week, have a daily sports report, pregame shows, Monday night sports show and the occasional volleyball game too. It has been a lot. This job has been a huge blessing for Andy but it will be over this weekend and will provide more time to so the other things (see above) [PRAISE GOD for providing this job, and the friends he made there]
**We all got a stomach virus that erased about a week from my memory. [Um, PRAISE GOD for healing!]
**Andy ran in the Columbus Half-Marathon while I managed the donations that came in. Over $8000 and over 100 donors were thanked and still continue to arrive. [PRAISE GOD!]
**We went to an Ohio State game Saturday (vs. Minnesota) and then to see one of Andy's students as she tried to defend her state golf championship. It was about 40 degrees out.
**Andy got sick again. This time it was the flu. Mator got it too. We're still waiting...[PRAISE GOD for healing and that it wasn't much worse!]
**I've had six photography clients this month and two last. That is insane for a part time job. This is the busiest month of the year because everyone wants their family pics taken outside since it is so beautiful. I also took our family picture (Andy's side) [PRAISE GOD]
**Our photography business also did the pictures for a local preschool / daycare. Two days of shooting and about 100 order to fill.
**I gave a midterm and collected a paper from the students in my online class. In addition to the regular weekly assignments that need to be graded.
**We had our county fair and I got to attend a teacher's workshop with the teachers from our children's school.
**We attended Cirque du Soleil.
**My nephew had a birthday!
**I've been homeschooling Muffin in science, reading and social studies.
**I lead Doodle's AWANA club at church (it's basically Christian scouts where they can earn badges for memorizing scripture)

That's all that I can remember right now. But I am tired. And I am at the end of me. There, I said it again. But then do you know what happens? I hear that still small voice of my Lord, Jehovah-Jireh (God our Provider). The God who provided all the good (see list above) and the not so good (see list above). And I hear Him saying, "Awesome. That's right where I want you to be!" Why would He say that?

"And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9 This is Paul talking here. About the three times that he begged God to take away his afflictions, his pain, his sorrow. And this was God's answer.

When there is nothing left of me, all that gets me through is HIM. Now I can see Him more clearly. Now I know that any good that comes from within me is REALLY from God, cause I am empty. It's exhausting, but so worth it. His grace is sufficient for you too. I know it is. Hang in there.

1 comment:

A Musing Mom (Taylorclan6) said...

Beautiful message.

Wouldn't it be great if you are pregnant, too:S